Ron Swanson

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Keep your tears in your eyes where they belong. There's no need to cry—that's only acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon—when you have Ron Swanson around. Now we know any dog under 50 pounds is a cat, and cats are useless, but Ron here is the exception and we can guarantee he is ALL dog. He's a simple man who likes pretty, dark-haired dogs and breakfast food. His life motto? Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing. He puts his heart and soul in the things he loves whether that be playing fetch, wrestling with his dog friends, or putting a smile on the faces of those he cares about. Now we know he already sounds amazing, but he isn't one to start chasing applause and acclaim. That way lies madness. He's the perfect mix of social and solitary. He'd gladly join you for a barbecue—after all barbecues should be about one thing: good shared meat—or even a breakfast date, because there's never been a sadness that can't be cured by breakfast food. On the opposite side of the coin, he's also happy to stay inside and join you while you're busy with your woodworking or simply enjoying a nice drink of dark liquor.

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With all of that, how could you not love this little man already? And if you don't believe in love, what's the point in living? We promise you that when you adopt him, you will be saying "I regret nothing. The end."