​

Well, hello there Bébé! It is I, Moira Rose, the beguiling councilpup of Schitt’s Creek (or as you simpletons may call it, OWAR). My story is a disastrous one. When I was surrendered, I was stripped of every morsel of pleasure I earned in this life. These rescue beds are nowhere near as plush as the ones I had at home and on top of that, this food is awful—get me a higher bowl, I will not eat from the ground like a common dog. Now that I’m finally approved for adoption, one must champion oneself and say, ‘I am ready for this!’ Despite my desire for the highest quality of beds and delicacies, I assure you I can adapt quite well to anything life tosses at me, as I like to say, I face life with the vigor of a wartime radio operator. I am filled with ideas and ways to improve even the most drab and listless of lives. If you are “bored, lethargic, and practically dripping with ennui” then might I suggest taking a walk, going to brunch at Café Tropical, or joining the Jazzigals? Any event that WE are invited to, I would be pleased to RSVP… as pending. Now I must warn you, after my role on The Crows have Eyes 3: The Crowening, I do have the tendency to join in with my black-feather compatriots as we call out in unison at the top of our little lungs, so do be prepared for my loud exclamations throughout the day! Now if I sound like the high-class lady you are looking to ensnare yourself with, I implore you to stop acting like a disgruntled pelican and put in an application. I’ll see if I can get back to you but I’m positively bedeviled with meetings et cetera.